Whiskeysoda

Do you nut unnerstand?
What are you wirth?
Pennies? Pickles? Pity?
Whut did you want frum me all along?
Promises? Pertinence? Impertinence?

Well, I'm surry you've left me here.
I'm surry you're niver on time.
I'm attracted to pipple who think this is an okay way to operaite.

I'll drink my watur and yur whiskey soda.
If you don't appeer, I'll leave.

I'ma not a dumb kid anymore,
and I niver thought I was when I was.

So, I've got that going for me.

Thas a hangdog awshucks pickup line.
It works, sumetimes, in the early morning.

Wat can you do but drink whiskey and read?
Do you haf any "useful" skills?
Do we haf any good reason to hire you?

Are you happy to drink alone?