That's me, in the corner!!!!!

I.

The day I officially lost my faith in God
was an early July morning.
I was up for almost 24 hrs
I was bartending late,
I had got up early that morning to go to the farmer's market downtown.
Anyway the customers were nice but they stayed till 2am
I never even got to eat dinner!
Anyway I went to bed
but couldn't sleep
Tossing violently
Sighing loudly
My brain was so wired!
Around 5am I was so desperate I took the picnic blanket from the trunk
And curled up on the grass
I wept
I beat my temples with my fists till my head rang,
wishing I had the guts to punch myself in the face to knock myself out,
I beat my thighs and my belly:
There is no god,
GOD would let me sleep
What a fucking cock-sucking dick-fuck!


II.

The day I decided there was no God I didn't sleep, I put the blanket back, came back inside. My eyes closed for about an hour. I got up and rode my bike, listening to Sufjan Stevens, wishing he'd written an album for me, for Wisconsin, but Michigan is close enough; I saw 1. A deer 2. A bunny 3. A fox on their way back from drinking from the lake. The tigerlilies were still closed. Discs of golden spiderwebs shone between reeds and bushes. There was still condensation in the cars' back windows.


I am done with Winters' Poems
I long for Summer's mornings--